Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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