When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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