Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
