im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
