I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There r osticjed everywhere
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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