Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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