She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
