I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
