fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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