Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
