I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
