yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
