This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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