My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
