I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
