booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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