At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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