Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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