found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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