called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
