Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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