My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
