I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
