you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Are my feet made of real feet?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
