butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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