I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
