Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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