Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
