My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize