Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
