I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
