this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Send help, water and tortillas.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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