I met the friendliest cop last night
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize