Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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