I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
