I want to stick my p in your. b.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
