ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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