Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
