You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
