Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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