Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
