Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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