the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
