Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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