Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
