After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
