So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
