you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
