My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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