he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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