Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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