I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
