I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So apparently I’m into choking now
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize