just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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