You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
