Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
