I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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