I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
