im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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