i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
