If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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