I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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