i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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