i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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