The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
