Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize