OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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