im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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