Porn is love you can see.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
