Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize