never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
